Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
