You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just high enough for therapy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
