but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had sex on a roof
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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