i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
