Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
