shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
