What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
