What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
