I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
