Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
