all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
