And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
