I think my vagina is haunted
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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