thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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