So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm bleeding and have questions
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
