last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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