Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
