i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
