I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
