This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize