i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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