birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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