I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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