i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well you can't waste a boner
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
