I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i think we sleep fucked last night...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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