You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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