So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
