i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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