but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
