My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
