I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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