I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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