He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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