College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
