were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
