yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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