You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
