We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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