I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
