Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
