id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
