I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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