i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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