Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
