My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
