My hair reeks of homosexuality.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
