i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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