I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
