he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
