Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize