If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
