the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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