I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
