I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
