You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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