I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
