I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize