My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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