I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
