dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
