can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
