I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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