I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
