You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
