I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
