Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
