I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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