dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
