It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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